Last week, all of this year's volunteers gathered at Salon Moscow on the Upper East Side (which actually donated its services) for a massive hair cut that ended up in more than 15 pony tails destined to become wigs for children who are suffering hair loss due to their treatment.
While at the salon, my throat was tangled in a gigantic knot. I was trying to hold in the tears. It was incredible: all these kids between 6 and 10 years old, mostly girls, plus an adorable pair of sibling boys, some teachers and moms lining up to donate their hair. The good energy was palpable, everyone felt good and proud. Nervous, but proud.
I was 6 years old when my mother started her cancer treatment. She lost all her brunette, long and lush mane, and it never grew back. A cancer patient goes through physical torture in order to try to survive. Unfortunately, there's little we can do to help with that (although visiting the sick has proved to be effecting in uplifting the patient's moral, and contribute in the healing process), and on top of all that, the patient witnesses his or her appearance deteriorate with complete impotence. They are sick inside and the mirror and other people's reactions to they way they look, just keep screaming at them how ill they are. Few things more demoralizing for an individual that looking different and evidently sick.
And that's why, in my mind, with just a simple haircut, we were helping those patients feel so much better about themselves, and that was priceless.
It turned out that that was easy for me to say...I cover my hair on a daily basis, and I'm not an 8-year-old whose lovely, waist-llength hair suddenly shrank up to her shoulders, after 12 months of watching it grow longer and longer.
I was over the moon proud of my daughter, and her enthusiastic approach toward the project. However, when she saw herself in the mirror right after the cut, the shock got the best of her. We got home and she locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out so no one could see her. I tried to convince her of how wonderful she looked (she does look beautiful!), how healthy her hair was now, how the New Moon was the perfect time to get a haircut, I gifted her the beanie hat she loves the most from my hat collection, I tried rationalizing, explaining, hugging, and she just announced how she and her friends agree that "I always make her do things."
I felt so bad, so guilty, so sad. Such a bad parent...I wanted to teach her the lesson that some times we can sacrifice ourselves a bit in order to help someone who has lost health and even a bit of dignity due to a disease that shows up randomly, damaging happy lives. I wanted her to learn that with small acts of kindness, we can do our part on healing hearts. I wanted her to learn that the haircut would eventually make her soul and her hair grow stronger. I wanted her to become resilient and be able to endure the haircut for a bigger cause. And by trying to do that, all I had done was hurting her self esteem.
Bad mom, pushy mom, bossy mom, mean mom...
At some point, when she was still crying "I look ugly," I thought of my mother, and how bad she must have felt the first time she saw her reflection in the mirror after her chemo. Her hair wasn't shoulder length, it was gone. Then I downloaded a photo of a child with cancer and decided to show it to my daughter. I asked her how she thought this kid (who actually came with a name) must feel about her looks. Suddenly, my daughter reacted and agreed to leave the bathroom. She wrote a list of the pros and cons of her haircut and fell asleep.
She was pretty upset the next morning and didn't want to go to school. Bad, pushy mommy got into action. We eventually got to school (even later than our usual) and her friends welcomed her with cheers, many said that they'd love to donate their hair too, they touched her new coif and tried on her new purple beanie (which instantly put me on lice terror alert, but I can't really complain, as she felt so good and proud of herself, that bad, pushy mommy had to swallow her "no hair accessory sharing policy"). During the weekly school assembly, all the donors were called to the front and a emotional slide show of the whole thing was shown to all the students. Everyone got a glimpse of the atmosphere at the salon, and the admiration for the kids who participated made them all feel great.
As I saw my daughter feeling better, I realized that even if it had hurt me learning that I'm a topic of criticism in the conversations with her friends, it may not be so bad, that I "make her do things," because it's actually part of the job description I accepted when I delivered her into this world. If I'm not the one trying to show her what I consider the right way, who will do it? I'm sure that the way I consider the "right" one might be debatable, and I'm learning by daily trial and error.
All I'm 100% sure about is that she'll need therapy due to my making her do things. But I also think that her treatment will be way shorter if she has to see the shrink for that reason, than if I didn't make her do anything.
And among the other things I make my daughter and son do, is to "take care of their bodies" by eating their fruits and veggies.
A couple of moths ago, I discovered how much my daughter loves fruit smoothies, so now, I make her one every morning. It's all fruit with just a bit of water. It's different every day, depending on what we have. But it's always made with some fresh and some frozen fruit. The secret is to always add at least one of the following frozen fruits to ensure sweetness:
You can also use banana, but in our case, it's the only fruit she doesn't like, so I omit it.
To the frozen fruit I add fresh peeled, but whole clementines or oranges, berries (fresh or frozen, any kind), peaches, melon, fresh figs, apples and/or pears (I don't peel those fruits with edible peels).
I throw everything (let's say a handful of each) in the food processor (a good blender works even better and makes no mess, but since mine broke and I'm saving for my children's shrinks, the processor will do for now) with about 1/4 to 1/2 cup water and I puree the whole thing. She drinks it immediately, and I recommend anyone to do so as well, because as it warms, the fruit separates and it's not as tasty.
You can adjust fruit and water quantities according to your taste.
This is a sweet, but vitamin, fiber and antioxidant loaded way of starting the day, and since by drinking the concoction, there's way more fruit in her body than if she were eating it. So even if that's the only fruit she eats for the whole day, there's plenty and I don't have to nag for it.
Now, by popular demand when people see me slurping a green, brown or purple beverage at school drop off, here's a more detailed description of what I'm drinking. There's no exact recipe, as I always eye it and change it depending on what's left in my fridge, freezer, fruit bowl and memory.
This smoothie is my breakfast. I started drinking it when I decided to cleanse my diet (a bit more than a month now), and I love it! I love how it tastes and I love how I feel after I drink it: energized, focused and my body feels light and easy to move.
I usually make it with whatever is left over in the processor after I make my daughter's smoothie, but it's also to whip it up from scratch.
- To add fiber and omega 3's : 2 teaspoons chia (whole or ground), you know I'd never leave this ingredient out!
- To add fiber: 2 teaspoons psyllium husk (sold as supplement in vitamin shops or at Whole Foods)
- To super-charge with non-caffeine energy and for hormonal balance: 1 1/2 teaspoons maca powder
- To add Vitamin E, healthy oils and make it creamy: 1/2 avocado, pitted
- To add sweetness, fiber, iron and more vitamins: dried white mulberries (soaked overnight in water)
- Even more antioxidants: 1 packet frozen unsweetened acai puree (sold in freezer at health food stores) or goji berries (soaked overnight in water)
- For good vegetarian protein: hemp protein powder (sold in health food stores)
- Other great additions: fennel, cooked beets (peeled), lemon or lime juice, fresh ginger, fresh mint, basil, dill or other fresh herbs. Some people like 1 celery stick, I personally rather eat my celery than have it in my smoothie, but we all have different tastes, so don't be afraid to try it!